Love, Truth, and Tolerance

I get the impression that people sometimes get the notion that there can be a dichotomy between Love and Truth. Occasionally, individuals will act in a certain way or say things that imply that they believe that Love and Truth can be at odds with one another, that one can impede the promotion of the other in some way. And usually, this is posited in circumstances in which another is acting in an improper manner and one hesitates to correct the other in Truth under the presumed guise of Love.

In modern society, somehow Love and Tolerance have become synonymous, but this is a mutilation of the meanings of these words. Tolerance is the patient endurance of something, a bearing with something that is not the ideal. If it were what we perceive as the ideal, we would not say of ourselves that we tolerate it but that we adopt it and agree with it. As it is, though, Tolerance is experienced as a condition of bearing with something in an effort of understanding without protest. In this way, Tolerance can be an expression of Love; however, while Tolerance can be loving, not all Love is tolerant. In some occasions, what is best for the other is that they do not remain within a certain habit but that they be urged, in Love, to dispense of it. Parents do this all the time. In Love, they may tolerate certain behaviors of their children that they find unappealing but not harmful while not tolerating other behaviors of their children that may be detrimental to their welfare. Love is a seeking of the good of the other for the sake of the other, a promotion and effort toward their true welfare. For a parent to tolerate children listening to music that is not bad in nature but just unattractive to the parent is to be both tolerant and loving. For a parent to tolerate their children exercising immoral behavior, dabbling in drugs, or the like is tolerant but not genuinely loving, because the parent’s tolerance is nothing other than a lenience toward behaviors that do not promote the child’s authentic welfare. Though it is tolerant, t is not Love because it lacks a communication of Truth.

“Truth and Love are wings that cannot be separated, for Truth cannot fly without Love, nor can Love soar aloft without Truth; their yoke is one of amity.” (St Ephrem) An exercise of genuine Love must include a sincere respect and communication of Truth. Why? Because Love is the seeking of the true welfare of the other, and all have a diminishing of their welfare in the absence of Truth. Love then includes aiding others toward Truth. However, we often convince ourselves that we must dispense of Truth in relationships with others under the pretense that it is the more tolerant thing to do and, therefore, the more loving. However, if we truly understand love, such a claim can never be the case. Every human life is enhanced by understanding of Truth – to deliver Truth to those who lack it is an act of Love; to withhold Truth is an attack on Love. Now, obviously this must be done with tact, and if that Truth is rejected at least it has been proposed, and the relationship can carry on. Choosing the right time and the appropriate tone and words to communicate Truth in Love is prudent. What we must avoid is cowering in a resistance to offering Truth under the illusion that this is a more loving direction. We believe “the Truth will make you free” (John 8:32). What would Love be to another without an invitation to greater freedom through Truth? True Love will always include that invitation.